The Cumberland Throw

Post Game Grades – Round 14 vs Bulldogs


Parramatta Eels

Why are you like this?

As the only person in my tipping comp silly enough to tip the Raiders over the Broncos, the Parramatta Eels just saved me the indignity of being the only person to not tip a perfect round this week. 

What a pack of losers.

Not just the 17 losers that went out there against the Bulldogs tonight. Every single player, official, coach, sponsor and fan over the last 35 years is a loser. This was probably the most embarrassing loss any team has taken in the NRL era, and the only thing more disappointing than supporting the team that suffered it was the predictability of it all.

You tell ten thousand NRL fans that the last placed Bulldogs beat a top 8 team by 30, and the only ones that don’t pick Parramatta as the team they beat probably lied about being an NRL fan to get into the survey in the first place. I’m not going and looking at it, but I’d say there are a dozen Eels fans telling me “I told you so” in the comments of the preview because I dared to believe that this stupid team could put 35 years of being losers behind them and go out and do what was expected of them for once.

My son is three years old, and this week he caught and passed a footy for the first time. His catching form makes Clint Gutherson under a high ball look comfortable, but most of the time his alligator arms snag the plush little footy and he giggles away, blissfully unaware he has just equalled the last three decades’ achievements of the team his dad has wasted his life supporting. If I follow this through and initiate him as an Eels fan right now, I should be locked away for child abuse. I’m not the only one apologising to the next generation right now:

As somebody who was born into supporting this rabble, I fully agree with Mary’s sentiments here:

The Eels need to go on a Dragons-like run of premierships to even the emotional ledger with me. I’ve sat through so many heartbreaking losses, so many shithouse performances against bad teams, meek finals exits and then the indignity of a salary cap scandal that resulted in a couple of wooden spoons and signing Lee Mossop. He was the smart one for getting over here, taking one look at the place and bailing. Ricky Stuart got out as quick as he could, and was probably doing us a favour by sacking half the squad on his way out the door.

I have one mate who got out. We spent the late 90s as teens on the “Booze Hill” with Parra Jesus and co. having a grand old time, and went to the 2001 grand final together full of excitement. I joined him in storming out once the score hit 28-6, we got separated and I think he had to call his mum to pick him up from Parramatta Station. My mum didn’t answer my call so I walked an hour home from the closest bus stop, then had to break in through a window because I didn’t have my keys. 

It was the last game of football he went to. He just couldn’t do it. “Why subject yourself to that misery?” he asked. I’ve called him soft and disloyal for all these years, but dammit if he wasn’t the smart one for cutting bait at the first sign of pain. Here I am over 20 years later, going through the same thing for no reward, again and again.

The Parramatta Eels are a net negative in my life by a long way. They cost me a bloody fortune in money, time, emotion and energy, and while I’ll undoubtedly talk a big game here then keep lining up in the stands again and again, I’ll be damned if I’m spending a second more of my long weekend than I have to recapping this piss weak, pathetic effort. I’m certainly not going to bring a sweet, innocent child, to whom football represents nothing but fun and joy, into supporting this pathetic rabble.

I hate this team, and I hate supporting this team. Yet I’ll be back next week, because that’s what us losers do. 

Oh, I still need to give some grades? Okay, here we go. Every coach, player, fan, official, groundsman and person who just happened to wear blue with gold today while remaining blissfully unaware of a football game, you all get an:

Let it never be said again that TCT doesn’t grade the coach. Until next time, stay slippery, losers.


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What a great way to repay BA for giving you a break from training.

Mike Pez

It was embarrassing and I’m sure the players feel the same way. Need to have a long hard look at themselves, based on this performance today, they are not going to make it past 1st finals match in September. Mitch being embarrassed and not knowing what to say in the post match interview is telling. Hopefully they can learn and shake it off and improve for the next match, they cannot put in another performance like this again for the remainder of the season. If you’re Fittler, are you going to pick any of the 3 players in Game 2… Read more »


Giving myself an F for actually attending the debacle of game instead of watching it from home.

Last edited 1 month ago by Shaun

Giving myself an F for just watching the game, and expecting they would pull off a win.


Everyone gets an F!


Not me – I forewarned about the perfect storm for a loss in the preview.
I get a D for watching my prediction.

Luke Winley

Its sport mate. If Parramatta were guaranteed victory today they wouldn’t play the game.I don’t know at any point that we gave up dogs were just a cut above today


Your kidding right they gave up in the 2nd half and started to play worse by the minute


Very disappointed with the performance. We stopped watching at 16nil because it was clear that we just didn’t turn up.
Everyone knew this was a danger game.
Everyone knew JAC needed a big game to press his origin claims.
Everyone knew Burton would kick…


Thanks Gol. What an accurate summation of the performance tonight.
I think Mitchell Moses attempt to score absolutely sums it all up. There are no words.
Without doubt, the most embarrassing performance that the team has put together in the last decade.
I think most die hard parramatta fans have just had enough, there is always a tipping point and I’m hearing lots of
kids saying – that’s it – no more !
We are just sick of being taken for mugs.
Hang your heads in shame Eels !


That Moses no-try was UNBELIEVABLE. here is Burton, with not long to go till full time, with the game in the bag, just shows everyone that he wants it more. Even at that stage of the game. UNBELIEVABLE. Hats off to the Dogs. Well done. As for the eels. That softness is something we the fans have endured since…Ray Price’s retirement?


I agree – It was one of the most embarrassing things I’ve seen in a footy field and certainly not a play that a million dollar player would ever produce. But it was indicative of the whole side today. It was almost like the team had money on the dogs such was their performance.


Ajax, for all the things that Ray Price has said since his retirement that I’ve disagreed with, he remains the greatest Eel I’ve ever seen. And he would not have ever accepted a game like that from team mates.


Agreed. During his playing days, it was 100% commitment and a staggering will to win, to compete till the death. I saw him in the dressing room in the 80s once and he was leaning against the wall seated, eyes closed. He had nothing left. It made a mark on me, to this day


Cumberland Oval, Sunday afternoon, first Higgs and Price, then Price. Win or lose, those blokes only knew one way, you never went home disappointed in their effort. Just on leadership, back then we had Price, Cronin and a young but old head Sterling, but Gibson still brought in Edge.

Trapped in the 1970"s

Fair point but Edge (1980 -1984) pre dated Gibson


Yep, forgot the John Peard year 1980.

greg okladnikov

A ferocious competitor


This hit close to home to me and I’m nowhere near your level of support, I’m only 19 and my first season I ever watched was 2009 That was the most magical year ever until grand final day, I cried tears as a kid when we lost, We’ve lost a fair few big games, tough games, close games, finals games since but tonight I almost felt that same feeling I did 13 years ago, but this time I’m just empty and out of belief almost, I think the coach needs to finally be held with half the responsibility of this… Read more »


Hmmmm, this all seems like a knightmare, and one we have had before, but no its a new one. Ahh well the players and coaches need to get up for next week as for me Easts are one tough mother of a team to beat, and normally give us a shake. Yes its sport but this team has been poor against the lower 8 teams, and its giving us fans more than frustration. Its v concerning as get up for the bigger games but then put in effort like this. And fans are right to question the coach and players… Read more »


Conceded 20+ points in 8 of our last 9 games. Address this please BA


Hope you are ok mate, your name suggests maybe not? 🙂


Goddamn I relate so hard to this. I feel like I’m punishing myself at times for supporting this team. Some weeks I just can’t do it. And yet I keep coming back anyway. Is this what being in an abusive relationship is like!?


Yes somewhat correct Jarrad, but i have not been in such a relationship….but i can see the issues here. Its a tough old time being a fan….but i go back to the late 80’s / early 90’s when we were shot ducks…..issue for me is we have a premiership type winning team that is p….poor in beating the lower placed teams.
If we don’t fix it then the club need to make some tough calls for me.


Not sure all deserved an F… at least a few players might have got a D…. maybe even a C-

Iron Mike

Trust me, they can all go and get F’d


Doesn’t seem to be too hard to beat this team. Disrupt at the ruck, be willing to frustrate and give away penalties and 6-agains, and let the eels frustrate themselves to death and implode. Plus our defence is awful. Lost to the Tigers (were last), almost lost to the Titans (twice) (now last) and now the dogs (who will earn the spoon). I just don’t understand why a team with so many “stars” and that has been largely together for years now, shows near no signs of improvement as a squad. Sure individuals have improved and had good games, but… Read more »


We are an embarrassment of a club. The premiership drought is ridiculous but when you actually dig a little deeper it’s even more mind boggling.
We have everything in our favour to be successful long term. Successful leagues club, huge Junior nursery and a massive fan base but we can’t get our act together. It’s actually quite unbelievable how poor this club has been since it’s inception.


The thing is – everyone agrees that our defensive structures are shot and the statistics prove it.
Kidwell walks and we have the golden opportunity to bring in a defensive specialist but what does this club do – promote Ryan Carr into the position because .. well he’s done pretty well with the cup side.
Being unprofessional starts at the front office.


I gave my eldest daughter no chance but to be a parra tragic 60 years ago, she has learnt and been told over the years to respect your opponent. Today was the classic example.


I’ve said it before I’ll say it again when the board extended BA they showed they have no desire to win a comp as long as the membership numbers were up and the win loss column was green that was accaptaptable.

This team are further away from winning then ever before.
Years and years I’ve travelled from the coast to watch games but not anymore I’ll support from a far today was enough I was glad I had a black Jumper in my bag to cover the eels jersey on the trip home.


What a great blog, well written and honest summation of the most embarrassing and disappointing game since we lost that final’s game to the Cowboys several years ago. Everyone gets an F! Never a truer statement.


Do you mean the 2017 game mate or the one in 2005… i was at both and they were both rubbish.

Trapped in the 1970’s

Me too……the 2005 game still wakes me up some nights.

Trapped in the 1970’s

Daniel Wagon sprinting out of the line to grab thin air


That 2005 game! I still get the $hits about that one. I was there kicking stones the whole way home.


Brutal. But more than fair. You summed it up well. Last year in regular season we got pipped by the Panthers on the bell with Moses missing the conversion to take it into extra time. My then 5 year old son burst into tears. I consoled him thusly “GET USED TO IT, SON”. After this game against the Bulldogs, against a background of endless pinging of text message notifications from Doggies supporter mates (I grew up in Lakemba), my son consoled me thusly “I AM USED TO IT DAD”. “See that son? That is the soft white underbelly of an… Read more »


Thanks for the honest assessment Gol. This coach has been here 9 years. It’s his roster. What other team in the comp would keep a coach for 9 years with nothing to show but 2 wins in a finals series and a wooden spoon?
The players were disgraceful, but it starts and end with Leadership. It’s time.


Gol, i take your point. Not good. At the end I said to the missus, a disallowed try, an intercept for a 12 point turnaround and they fall apart. Reading a magazine she says calmly, no they ran out of the dressing room and fell apart. Here’s a smokescreen, Shaun Lane would have run straight through the line, the Dog 100% played at him,tried to tackle him then did a swan dive. The bunker says Lane ran into him on the outside shoulder, knocked him down and denied him the chance to compete. WTF? Am I blind? (As well as… Read more »


That was a puzzling decision. The Bulldogs player initiated contact and then also threw himself to the ground. That said, that decision had no effect on everything that came after.


Short, sharp and sour – good summary

Longfin Eel

Can we have our cellar dweller teams back from the early 1990s? At least then we expected to get pummeled and if we happened to win we were overjoyed. No let downs back then! In the end there is no actual difference to the overall result.

Parra Pete

EMBARASSING LOSS – FOR SURE. The PLAYERS were off their games….just needed a slight adjustment and things could have been different… Is the coach responsible for this? Waqa Blake unlucky not to get first try. Nine times out of ten RCG pass to Papalitti is not intercepted..12 point turnaround. Simonssen holds the fingertip kick to score. Moses scores under the posts..another 12 point turnaround as Dogs score from the seven tackle restart Gutherson, playing catch up football, doesn’t throw an intercept pass. Need to straighten the attack instead of crabbing across the field. Oh, and by the way, in my… Read more »


Gold! What a review!


There was no other grade possible. Except perhaps reserve grade.
Dang! Haven’t seen you this mad (big mad)…like since forever. R15 can’t come soon enough.

Mr controversy aka rev

F= what f@#ked.
Yet again he hasn’t dropped no one why who know’s. Simmonsons can play reserve grades n waqa go back to wing n opicac back


When do development players become eligible, Gol? There weren’t too many great players in reggies either but a few forwards are close and deserve a shot. Ogden’s just back from injury but he had a good game; Rodwell always gives 100% just to name a couple.


Oh Gol, you sound like me after every loss. I go back to 1958 so I have seen more losses than wins. Are we losers because we support them. Absolutely not!! We are loyal fans that just long for justification. Some teams just want to win – every game – and for me, I think Parra just wants to play for the game. I must admit I went back to the NRL app just to make sure the Bulldogs were not in the top four. It’s just another week in the game of life. They win next week and all… Read more »

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