The last six months of being a Parramatta fan has been tempestuous to say the least.

To try and capture my emotions as a Parramatta supporter during this turbulent period, I have created this handy 3D Bar graph to demonstrate the emotional roller coaster I have been on (and why I can never get enough).

I hope you enjoy my slightly disturbing hit up, ‘Off the Cumberland Fence’.

1. Favourite sons depart the club – Mood level 2/10 

In November 2024, our captain and the heartbeat of the club is allowed to pursue a 3 year contract with Shane Flanagan’s ‘Dad’s Army’ Dargons. But that’s not all as it’s au revoir to big Reg, the reigning Thornett medal winner. Through misty eyes, I try to focus on the positives. In Ryles we trust!

2. Roster Overhaul – injection of new blood – Mood level 6/10

Our biggest recruitment drive since 1996. An ageing slow roster being overhauled with the injection of pace and youth, making us more relevant for the future. By December, I was warming to the upcoming season and things were starting to look a little rosier. Plus, the new jerseys look great. I think I should buy both so I have something to wear during the semi-finals.

3. Training Reports sound promising – Mood Level 8/10

I am an avid reader of Sixties’ training reports. It’s the usual stuff, training the house down, skinfold tests at record lows, club records being broken in fitness tests, ex-players coming to training, the centre of excellence is nearing completion. It sounds brilliant, we are going to change the way the game is played. Sixties and 40/20 discuss their predictions for the year and Sixties suggests a 6th to 10th place finish. That’s not enough for me, I start googling ‘first year head coaches to win a premiership’.

Pre-season training

4. Newcastle trial game – Mood Level 9/10

THE TRAINING REPORTS WERE TRUE!!! We demolish the sorry Knights in a one-sided trial match. We look sharp in attack and the slow Knights have no answer for our pace all over the park. Yes, it’s mostly young players and reserve graders, but we are a system team now and this will be what we see all year. Plus, we have our best players still to come back, the upside is endless. I investigate more jerseys to buy.

5. Tigers trial game – Mood level 7/10

It’s the loss we had to have if we are going to finish the year undefeated. It’s at Leichhardt, the Tigers have most of their starters, and we are still missing most of our best guys. It’s only a trial, we are just tuning up for the season. No team has ever won the pre-season cup and the Premiership in the same year, so this loss is necessary, maybe even a good thing.

6. Mitchell Moses injury – Mood Level 4/10

Oooooft… Talk about a kick in the guts on the eve of the season. Our best player succumbs to complications from a stress fracture that ruled him out of most of the prior season. This one stings immensely and the wind has been taken out of my sails. Plus, I’m still hungover from attending the season opener in Vegas, so the combination of my mental fragile state with this devastating news, has me back on the brink of despair. Hopefully we can just hang in there for the first two months and be all the stronger for this setback.

Mitch Moses in the pre-season

7. Melbourne Storm first half – Mood Level 2/10

Good Lord, what on earth is happening? This isn’t what we were promised. The players have no intensity and look like they’ve never played footy before. Our middle defence is non-existent, and we are melting in the Melbourne heat. At 46-6 at halftime, I am starting to get worried about the 91-6 St George vs Canterbury record from 1935 being broken. Thankfully we rally in the second half (and Melbourne go and take a nap), and we avoid the ignominy of further records being broken. Still, it’s Melbourne in Melbourne, and nobody beats Melbourne in round one, so we can just put a line under this one and move on… can’t we?

Then Dylan Brown signs with the Knights for the next 25 years for $3bn. So actually no, we can’t move on. But… Mitch has extended his contract, so I guess every rose has its thorn?

8. Tigers Game – Mood Level -2/10

This is the worst day of my life. We are dismantled by perennial easybeats, the Wests Tigers, at home. Even worse, we look rudderless and barely offer a whimper. I have Tigers fans offering me the most patronising sympathy imaginable, ‘Don’t worry mate, we have been there. It’s always darkest before the dawn’. This is a very dark time, at least there’s only 22 more games to go this year. Can’t it be over already?

9. Bulldogs game – Mood Level 1/10

Ok, ok.. signs of life here. We lose narrowly to the undefeated Bulldogs, a side who only a few years ago was in our position. Yes, they were missing Burton and Kikau, but we were also missing our best players. With a little bit of execution this is a game we should’ve won, maybe things aren’t so bad? (no, they’re still not great)

10. Manly game – Mood Level 1/10

Manly win comfortably at Brookvale. It’s a sentence I would’ve expected to type at the start of the game. The problem is that they lost Tommy Turbo in the first half and were reeling after finding out that DCE would be leaving the club at the end of the season. So, losing 26-12 is not actually something to be enthusiastic about (are we ever enthusiastic about losing?). I start googling ‘First grade rugby league teams to go through a full season without a win’. I don’t want to be like Easts in 1966, Souths in 1946, or University in 1935. Haven’t we Parramatta fans already suffered enough? Don’t we deserve some respite from the constant torment?

That winning feeling

11. Saints game – Mood Level 8/10

WE ARE BACK BABY!!! It’s a nervous Saturday afternoon crowd at Parramatta Stadium that welcomes back King Gutho to his former kingdom. Yes, Gutho scores two tries and everything looks hopeless. Yes, there’s Dragons fans doing the Gutherino in front of an incensed Parramatta fan. But wait, something is different… We have Dylan Walker now and he has unlocked our attack in the second half. We have Junior absolutely folding blokes in attack and defence. We have young Ryley Smith providing energy and the spark we need. We have Isaiah Iongi demonstrating all the reasons why he has such a bright future at the club (apart from throwing possibly the worst pass in the history of rugby league with 10 minutes to go). It’s all systems go on O’Connell Street! Quickly investigates Grand final tickets, has any team ever won the competition after losing their first four games? Could Ryles do it??? Anything is possible!!! Oh, and the icing on the cake is that all four junior reps teams make the semi-finals (including an undefeated minor premiership for SG Ball). The future is bright!

Late Edit!

12. The Lomax injury – Mood Level 3/10

As we basked in the glow of our maiden NRL win of the season, we were rocked by the news to come out of training that our best player to start the season, Zac Lomax, had suffered a fractured foot in the Dragons game and could miss the next 6 weeks. We should know by now that as Parramatta fans that we can’t have nice things. There’s something to be said for the eternal numbness that we as Eels fans feel, as the waves of disappointment crash over us, as we lurch from one disaster to the next. They say it’s the hope that kills you, it’s nice to have that hope extinguished for another few days. That is, until Saturday when the cycle starts again!

Therapists could make a lot of money out of Parramatta fans. Fortunately we have each other during these trying times.

Go Parra!!!

Chris

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