So much for a danger game. The Dolphins may have scored first, but from the opening set of the game the writing was on the wall that they were the fish that John West rejects in this one. It didn’t take long for the Eels to pry the Dolphins defence apart on the left, then when they got bored of that Bryce Cartwright started padding his highlight reel on the right. At one point I was sure the only way the Eels wouldn’t crack 70 points was mercy, but underestimate the power of a Wayne Bennett halftime baking at your peril.

I’m not going to tear into a side that had a game won by the 30th minute and went into the sheds up by 38, but we all watched that second half and left thinking what might have been. “Taking their foot off the throat in a flogging” isn’t the worst negative trait for a football side to have, it certainly beats the “can’t defend on the right edge” and “loses to bad teams” of years gone by.

 The Eels have made a fair account of themselves this year with very ordinary completion rates, but what happens when they can complete above 90% like they did in the first half is pure magic. The victory over South Sydney was achieved with similarly impressive completion rates, so maybe the problem has simply been the errors all along? Rugby league can be a simple game sometimes. For the numbers inclined:

Possession: Eels 59%, Dolphins 41%
Completions: Eels 30/37 (81%), Dolphins 19/30 (63%)
Run metres: Eels 2,132, Dolphins 1,444
Line breaks: Eels 12, Dolphins 4
Average set distance: Eels 57.6m, Dolphins 48.1m
Offloads: Eels 13, Dolphins 4
Tackles made: Eels 251, Dolphins 359
Missed tackles: Eels 24, Dolphins 26
Ineffective tackles: Eels 9, Dolphins 26
Errors: Eels 9, Dolphins 12
Half time points: Eels 42, Dolphins 4

You know NRL statistics are worthless when Bryce Cartwright manages to walk away without a single try assist to his name for his effort on the Sunshine Coast. At one point he had three offloads for three line breaks, and once the attack started flowing through the Carty Party this game turned from an encouraging start to a demolition job, all without the Dolphins even touching the ball. When I lay awake at night dreaming of what my fantasy NRL career would have looked like, even I don’t have the audacity to put a try on with every run, but for a few sets there Bryce Cartwright managed just that. You da MVP, Carty.





 

 

 

Another week, another A for the King, who continues to find himself in the right spot to both put tries on and score them himself. It’s only taken a career year of tryscoring form, three injuries in front of him and an absolute collapse of the New South Wales system for his name to be dropped in Origin selections, but it would be a just reward for what is shaping up as his best season in first grade.

---

Big Maika hasn’t made many friends in the NRL bunker, denied yet again on a coin flip call of a putdown and extending his tryscoring drought to a season long two games. That ankle tap on the Hammer was as impressive as it was unlikely, but beyond that it wasn’t the kind of day where the ball needed to get out to the wing for the Eels to score. He might be in some trouble for those raised forearms, it has become a habit and one a man of his size frankly doesn’t need. Just steamroll them Bula, you’re twice their size.

---

Will Penisini didn’t take kindly to being stood up by a Queensland Cup journeyman on the opening try, showing incredible power in brushing off Euan Aitken for a barnstorming try. After that it was just being in the right place and supporting at the right time along that ridiculous right side, being ready for whatever Bryce Cartwright could cook up.

---

I could feed the world’s hungry with all the words Bailey Simonsson has forced me to eat this season. This week he led the team in metres gained and multis killed, not passing to a wide, wide open Maika Sivo. If that is the extent of our penance for the sins committed against Sir Bailey, I’ll wear it.

---

Two weeks in a row when writing up the draft of the grades, I’ve forgotten to include Sean Russell. That’s not fair on his solid effort here, but more a statement that the right edge has been so lethal it has barely even needed its winger, like a bloke having a Red Bull and Mars Bar breakfast every day, the damage is all being done on the inside.

---

When the news about Dylan Brown broke, I very nearly walked away from season 2023. That would have been a touch daft, huh? While I’m still very upset that our star five eighth is best case, a menace, I am glad it has given Daejarn Asi a chance to show his stuff. Since his debut in Blue and Gold, the Eels average score is a 38-12 victory. I’m not saying it is all the Asi man, but you tell me what else has changed in that time?

---

The support play, the short passing at digging in at the line, the running and the perfect 8/8 on conversions was all wonderful, but I couldn’t get over some of the ordinary short kicking options the incumbent NSW halfback was taking. Ill-advised grubbers that left a staggered chasing line against the most elusive fullback in the game, deep chips into the in-goal, it just wasn’t the composed performance we expect from Moses. It’s harsh, I know, but play to high standards, get graded to high standards.

---

It says a lot about how dominant the Eels were that half of Reagan Campbell-Gillard’s metres this week came from kick returns. He’s not quite himself just yet but I reckon he’ll come out of the bye all guns blazing.

---

Brendan Hands got the first early mark of his top grade career, bringing his record as the starter to 4-0 with an average margin of victory of 26 points. With Josh Hodgson likely done for 2023 after having neck surgery, let’s hope the Eels keep up that fine Hands starting form all season long. Just watch the forward passes hey? Cameron Smith showed us it takes an awful lot for a hooker to get pinged on a forward pass, but Hands has managed it with alarming frequency in his brief time in first grade.

---

Ofahiki Ogden was mighty in his first stint, responsible for the momentum that the Eels turned into an avalanche of points almost immediately after he left the field. His minutes were limited as Brad Arthur finally showed he can use a four forward bench effectively, but he made his time count.

---

The impending return of Shaun Lane has brought out the best in Bryce Cartwright, who surely can’t be the man to make way for the tall glass of water when he comes back after the bye. Cartwright literally created with every touch in the first half, the team just went through the motions, set up the play then let him work his magic. It was as dominant a stretch of individual football as you’ll see. 

---

Davey’s only moment on the highlight reel was the opening try, which looked real nice at the time but by the end of the first half you maybe put some of how good it looked down to the pitiful Dolphins defence. Still, strong line running and hard yards is what we need from him, and Davey delivered on that front here.

---

A breath away from the A+, J’maine Hopgood was doing it all out there on the Sunshine Coast. He’s a metre eating machine with a wicked offload and, when given the chance, he runs a neat line on the edge. Hamiso Tabuai-Fidow probably takes buy of the year off the back of highlight reel tries like the ones he scored today, but J’maine Hopgood takes that award for mine without any question whatsoever.

---

Big Junez got onto the field and spent the next ten minutes running back kickoffs and watching a procession of tries. He got in on the action with a couple of line break assists, offloading at will and generally running riot over a tired and disinterested Dolphins defence. I’m not saying Junior as an impact player is an every week strategy, but this week it worked a treat.

---

Big Mak was denied back-to-back try scoring weeks with a meat pie that undoubtedly would have been called back on our schoolyard “crap tries don’t count” rule had the bunker not stepped in. He was fine otherwise, but in the front row pecking order he has definitely fallen behind Ofahiki Ogden and as such might have a nervous team list Tuesday ahead in two weeks time.

---

Joe O sat licking his lips while watching that first half from the bench, only to get on the field just in time for the Dolphins to find their backbone and dig in a bit. With players coming back from injury I’m not sure he’s done enough yet to keep a spot in the top side.

---

When I saw the way Bryce Cartwright and Junior Paulo were offloading I thought Ryan Matterson was going to have one of those days that makes you think he was playing for a contract. Instead Matto showed some restraint and just made hard yards like a good middle should, while maintaining a perfect record of discipline. I’m not sure we know the best way to use him in 2023, but what he did today I’m perfectly fine with.

---

Don’t let any disappointment at the Eels not turning a ridiculous start into a record breaking shellacking take away from what was an incredible first half of football. Sure the team pushed some passes and took some poor options in the second stanza, but they also took on a tough road trip against a team with everything to play for and the scoreboard beat the clock to 40. You’re allowed to lose a second half when you win the first by a cricket score.

The comments section of the grades has been very quiet for a month now which can only mean one thing: the Eels are on a winning streak. Five games, to be exact, leaving them entrenched in the top eight with the best attack and the second best points differential in the NRL. In a competition as tight as this one there is no room to relax, but Parramatta are as well placed as anybody going into the final stretch.

Following that bye comes a contest with the Warriors that few would have predicted to have top four implications at the start of the year. We may have some more clarity on Dylan Brown’s position next week, and Shaun Lane’s return from injury will mean the Eels are as healthy as they are going to be come round 19. Season 2023 may have started slowly, but this is shaping up as a pretty damn good Parramatta team we have right here. The excitement is building.

Until next time, stay slippery Eels fans.

Gol

Stats and images provided by NRL / Eels media