First up, it has to be said. Get your mind out of the gutters you filthy animals – those are very clearly B’s as in bravo. If you are legitimately bemused at my preamble then you are too pure for these modern times and I say bless you all.

For anyone else that is straight up lost and thinking to themselves what the hell is bilbocatching and for the matter – what even is a bilbocatch? Why it is the old cup and ball toy of course.

This kind of thing.

With the NSW Cup and SG Ball squads standing as the last two undefeated teams in 2025, I thought it would only be fair to salute them in a suitably puntastic way.

Now, onto our regularly scheduled Weekend Wrap.

It was a huge weekend of footy though with action split over Saturday and Sunday. The Harolds Matthews, SG Ball and Jersey Flegg delivered a trio of impressive victories on Saturday while the Sunday docket saw the ledgers split with the Lisa Fiaola and NRL chalking up losses balanced against the Tarsha Gale and NSW Cup prevailing in damp conditions.

We have 7 games to review and I have just downed my Monday cappuccino so let’s get into it!

NRL

Canterbury Bulldogs 16 defeat the Parramatta Eels 8

The Eels are still chasing a breakthrough win for Jason Ryles in first grade and will have to wait at least one more week after failing to the Canterbury Bulldogs by 8-points in Round 3. While there were some very obvious blemishes on the overall performance – there is no doubt that this is the first game in which the Eels have showed some tenacity and resolve. They physically challenged a fiery Bulldogs outfit and took positions of strength in the territorial battle multiple times through the second half.

However, it was also painfully apparent that the current iteration of the team was bereft of attacking solutions as the Bulldogs eventually shored up their defence in the final quarter. Parramatta did have some success venturing down their left with tries to Will Penisini and Josh Addo-Carr and there was an early chance for Jordan Samrani over on the right after a tricky tip-on from Zac Lomax. Beyond that, there were some flashes from attacking bombs but the Eels are still lacking the combination blow that is a strong punch through the ruck and crisp shape on the edges.

Zac Lomax has deservedly drawn plaudits from all corners after a lion-hearted effort in which he powered through 303m from 31 carries. The running metres, impressive on their own, are elevated even further when you consider Lomax’s relentless off-the-ball efforts chasing kicks.

It was the convergence of heart, effort and elite talent. Hopefully it can stoke the fires of his team mates.

The rookie watch has been a big part of the opening 3 rounds as Ryles continues to empower his young troops. Samrani had a pair of tough drops and a misjudgement in defence where he incorrectly checked onto Dean Hawkin’s man to create a crease for Bronson Xerri. These are the kind of rookie moments you need to allow for though and Jordan offset the mistakes with 149m gritty metres in the coalface of the ruck.

Ryley Smith brought plenty of tempo off the bench, sniping offside markers for a penalty and putting non-stop pressure on Toby Sexton’s clearing kicks. He also provided a brilliant clearing kick as he showed off the full tool-kit. Sam Tuivaiti is holding his own defensively and even starting to lay a bit of wood on the opposition. Attacking play comes naturally to young players so seeing Sam throwing himself into the grittier side of the game is a good sign.

Next up is Manly. The Sea Eagles are an incredibly volatile team and they could conceivably just as easily put 50-points on the Eels or hand Parramatta their first win of the season. Tune in to the next episode to find out!

NSW Cup

Parramatta Eels 23 defeat the Canterbury Bulldogs 16

A frenetic final quarter kept the door ajar for the Bulldogs in Round 3 of the NSW Cup before Ronald Volkman dropped the portcullis on Canterbury with an ice-cold field goal in the 77th minute. Joash Papalii continues to electrify at fullback as the dynamo scored a try, set up another and showcased his effortless acceleration throughout the game. His boot proved crucial too with Joash slotting 3 of his 4 conversions to maintain a scoreboard buffer on the Dogs.

Sean Russell responded to his demotion in the exact fashion you wanted to see with an 18 run, 190m effort that was topped off with a try to start the second half. In what could be a breakthrough game for the young backrower, Saxon Pryke lead the way in the forward pack with 126m from 15 carries on a heavy track. Pryke bagged a first half try with a beautifully timed chase on a goal-line grubber kick and barely missed a second to close out the game with a powerful charge through multiple defenders only to barely drop the ball stretching out for the line.

Charlie Guymer (38 tackles), Brendan Hands (44 tackles) and Dan Keir (41 tackles) got through a mountain of defensive work as the Eels held on in the final quarter while the skipper Keir also produced a brilliant backhanded offload to put Haze Dunster over.

Bailey Simonsson successfully navigated his first action since recovering from an ACL injury. The centre was clearly on a minutes restriction as the club look to build him up towards a NRL return and Alfred Smalley did a solid job as his deputy.

The win lifts the Eels into a share of first place on the ladder alongside the Warriors, Jets and Dragons and we now get to see how far early season momentum can carry the squad.

Jersey Flegg

Parramatta Eels 20 defeat the Canterbury Bulldogs 6

When you only complete 56% of your sets you need to have absolute confidence in your defence. In Round 3 of the Jersey Flegg the Eels must have achieved full self-actualisation as they stonewalled countless Canterbury goal-line raids. It was among the best defensive efforts I have ever seen in the Jersey Flegg so all credit due to players and coaches this week.

Bradley Avery and Canterbury’s Jordi Mazzone had an outstanding running battle down Parramatta’s right edge with Avery coming up trumps. Jack Hudson and Ieti Samuelu brought the venom through the ruck with a string of stinging tackles while Raff De Stradis brought the silky hands with a stunning single motion catch-and-pass play off a chip kick to put Apa Twidle for his second try of the day.

Twidle, in the role of fullback this week, had a few errant passes through the game but was extremely productive venturing down Parramatta’s left edge. He set up Araz Nanva with a sensational double cut-out pass for the opening try of the game and combined with Araz again as Nanva returned the favour for Twidle’s first. Matthew Hunter continues to do an excellent job guiding the team around the park and his long kicking game was on point on Saturday.

Teancum Brown and Tyrese Lokeni both clocked in for excellent shifts in the middle but Damascus Neemia stole the show with a dominant effort in the front-row. Neemia capped a stellar game with a brilliant individual try in the 70th minute but his work throughout the game was top-notch.

There is plenty to work on for the Blue & Gold moving forwards, that completion rate has massive amounts of overhead, but it was a good response to their Round 2 loss to the Tigers.

SG Ball

Parramatta Eels 34 defeat the Western Suburb Magpies 10

The Eels were always in control in Round 7 of the SG Ball as they eased out to a 24-point win over the Magpies. Ryda Talagi was a man possessed in the opening exchanges with the young bookend delivering a withering torrent of carries through the middle that included a 15m effort that saw him score opening points through 4 defenders.

New faces made the most of their chances as Parramatta tweaked their roster to account for finals eligibility. Cameron Bamblett and Aidan Kebourian typified that with the two combining for a highlight reel try as the fullback banana kicked for his winger to score in the left corner. Kebourian would add a second try in the first half as again Bamblett laid on the assist – this time with some clean hands.

Lorenzo Talataina dazzled with another spectacular individual try as he left 5 defenders – including the fullback – grasping at thin air amidst a series of left-foot steps before planting the right-foot to explode past the last line defence. It has been a banner season thus far for Lorenzo and even considering he missed the opening two rounds he has been amongst the most impactful players in the competition.

Not to be outdone by his halves partner, Lincoln Fletcher posted a quick-fire double late in the game that highlighted both his running ability and his ability to ball-play at the line.

There is no doubt that Parramatta are humming in the SG Ball. Each positional group is firing on all cylinders and the the Eels are capable of delivering hammer blows from so many different angles. Obviously sudden death football in the finals can change the landscape of the competition in the blink of an eye but even the most miserly and embittered fans have to be impressed by what the SG Ball are doing right now.

Harold Matthews

Parramatta Eels 24 defeat the Western Suburbs Magpies 10

In my live viewing of this contest I dubbed the first half the ‘greatest worst half of footy I have ever seen’ and I stand by that with post-weekend clarity in my corner. Amidst a surging king tide of errors and penalties the Parramatta Eels delivered goal line defence only rivaled by their brethren in the Jersey Flegg.

Punctuating the mistakes and steely tackling was ridiculous champagne footy. Christopher Moala posted the first try with a great line down the right edge before Talen Risati and Samuel Polley delivered a gorgeous outside/inside play to put Riley Davis over.

As the errors piled up from there, the juxtaposition of the outrageous attacking football grew even greater. In the shadow of half time Moala exploded down the right edge before linking up with Cobi McCloskey. Accosted by the opposition fullback, Cobi managed to find Davis with a flung ball inside and Parramatta’s custodian beat out 3 cover defenders to score a magnificent team try.

It was Moala again who sparked the scoring in the second half as the right centre unleashed a thunderous fend before plowing through a gaggle of defenders to claim his second of the day. The final scoring play for the Eels started with the work of Cyrus Bloomfield as the left centre showed some deft feet to dribble a loose ball away from the Magpies before reclaiming the ball and creating a switch of play to the right. Clean hands from the backline released McCloskey to drive the nail into the coffin of this contest.

The victory lifts the Eels back to parity in the win/loss columns and leaves them nestled in 8th place on the ladder at the end of the round. They control their destiny moving forwards and certainly have the talent on board to storm into the finals – can they find the level of consistency they require to go further?

Tarsha Gale

Parramatta Eels 20 defeat the Wests Tigers 10

The bye hamstrung the Tarsha Gale earlier in the season resulting in a 2-game skid against the Sharks and Panthers. Char Henry and her young charges made some critical adjustments coming out of their next week off as they warded off the Wests Tigers in a crucial and gritty 20-10 victory.

Soggy, testing conditions at Leichardt were the root cause of plenty of errors from both sides but it was the Eels who had the wherewithal to persevere. Kyliah Gray has a budding reputation as ball-playing forward and she enhanced that with an early try assist to Taylah Falaniko as the two forwards combined inside the red zone.

We would have to wait 30-minutes for the next change to the scoreboard as Mariah Fasavalu-Faamausili pounced on some lax goal-line defence to dive over from dummy-half in the right corner. The two teams would go on to trade tries as the Eels stayed in the box seat. Ava Jones mirrored the earlier effort of Fasavalu-Faamausili with a short range burst from dummy-half. A beautiful cut-out pass from centre field by Gray would open up the left edge for Parramatta as Jessamine Aloalii touched down in the left corner and while the Tigers hit back before full-time – Parramatta’s lead was never really in doubt.

Tess McWilliams caught the eye with an outstanding stint in the front-row. The young bookend was equally effective in attack and defence and her energy and enthusiasm shone through the dreary Inner West weather.

Even after their mid-season slide, this win catapults the Blue & Gold back into 3rd place on the ladder. It is an important result given they now face the 2nd placed Steelers and top-of-the-table Bulldogs to close out the regulation season.

Lisa Fiaola

Wests Tigers 34 defeat the Parramatta Eels 18

The Tigers sprung a second half ambush on the Eels in the Lisa Fiaola to deliver a surprise 16-point upset. The loss, Parramatta’s first of the season, drops the Eels to 3rd on the ladder as their goal line defence got pushed around by the big forwards of the Tigers.

Temieke Withers and Leonia Vei had nice individual moments in the first half to put the Eels up 12-0 but it was one-way traffic from there. Withers and Mitszy Cairns united for a late try down the left edge but it was little consolation for a disappointing result.

Although the dreams of a perfect season have been dashed, there is very much everything still to play for in the Lisa Fiaola. They meet the mid-table Steelers this week before closing out the regulation season with a blockbuster clash against Canterbury. There is no need for panic stations after a singular loss but there is plenty for the girls to learn in their defeat at the hands (paws?) of the Tigers.

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