The Cumberland Throw

Post Game Grades – Round 13 vs Knights

  Parramatta Eels 4

 Newcastle Knights 30

The Good:
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The Bad:
Holy moly. What a train wreck of a game, a result, a season.

We were simply embarrassing.

It is borderline comical that this was supposed to be the season where we had a shot at the title. Remember the Maitland trial? Good times. We have gone from tweaking our roster to make a run at a premiership to potentially blowing it all up in half a season. It’s an incredible turn of form/luck/outlook.

You know how everyone has that one friend in that terrible relationship that’s slowly killing them, the one you know it’s never going to work out, but they keep going back?

That friend is you, and the relationship is supporting the Parramatta Eels.

To finish, here’s a sobering thought – the Newcastle Knights have come into existence and won two premierships since the Eels last won a premiership.

That. Is. Brutal.

I’m not really into refs faulting, but they were something else tonight. With that said, their performance was still nowhere near as embarrassing as the Eels.

I also want to clarify before I write this that injuries are no excuse for the performance we dished up tonight, or our train wreck of a season. With that said, check this out:

We’ve also missed games from Tepai Moeroa, Greg Leleisiuao, Will Smith and Kirisome Auva’a. It’s a crazy list, and just adding to the ridiculous nature of Season 2018.

Oh and the Eels have still NEVER beaten the Newcastle Knights at ANZ Stadium.


Ok so this is basically rock bottom for us Eels fans, but in more pleasing news, this post is sponsored by the good people at:

In this week’s Post Game Eels Deal all readers of TCT can get themselves an Eels supporter ball (normally $29.95) for only $18 if they enter the code ‘TCT’ at Checkout. Go on, buy it, kick it around, become the local pity target down at the nearest park or playground.

You should definitely buy your kids this football, tell them tales of better days gone by and support the work of The Cumberland Throw.

Tell ’em Mitch sent you – I’m pretty certain it won’t make the slightest difference.

The MVP:


Kenny Edwards’ instagram post.

A wild, but nonetheless pretty good take from Kenny, I miss the crazy bastard.

1- Bevan French

Fullback, Parramatta Eels

He wanted another shot at fullback, but instead took a shot to the head. Let the record show that this tweet didn’t seem quite as callous at the time of writing:

BA mentioned that Bev will be right to play next week, which is good to hear.

2- Josh Hoffman

Left Wing, Parramatta Eels

What an embarrassing attempt for the Knights’ first try – if the bouncing ball was body contact, the Hoff was Bryce Cartwright. Hoff did run a lot (14 for 137) and scored a try, but that aforementioned one moment was pretty awful.

3- Michael Jennings

Right Centre, Parramatta Eels

Like a giant, pneumatic drill heading straight for the centre of the earth, Michael Jennings somehow outdid his incredibly bad, rock bottom performance from last week.

4- Brad Takairangi

Left Centre, Parramatta Eels

Despite what his curriculum vitae says, Brad Takairangi should no longer be considered a part time half.

5- George Jennings

Right Wing, Parramatta Eels

Grabs the silver medal behind Daniel Alvaro for our best on field in my opinion. The clearly superior Jennings had 12 runs for 134 metres and 2 tackle breaks.

6- Clint Gutherson (c)

Five-Eighth, Parramatta Eels

Busted his ass, obviously loves his team; I’m glad he’s our captain. Clint is still figuring out how to play in the halves, but that’s an even tougher job when your halves partner Mitch Moses goes down.

7- Mitchell Moses

Halfback, Parramatta Eels

An easy target for opposition fans, but I actually thought he was playing pretty well until he went down. Hopefully not too long a stint on the sidelines.

8- Daniel Alvaro

Prop, Parramatta Eels

The Polar Bear had 17 runs for 144 metres, and doesn’t care what you think. He also got through a mind boggling 57 tackles. If this wasn’t one of the most depressing games of Rugby League I’ve ever been to, I’d give him the MVP.

9- Cameron King

Hooker, Parramatta Eels

Regardless of how forward the pass is, missing tackles that lead directly to tries never looks good, Kingy.

16- David Gower

Prop, Parramatta Eels

If you think about it, the top of David Gower’s head is like an extension of who he is , it’s basically a continuation of his face.

With said gash, David Gower looked like an extra from The Mummy; not the one with Tom Cruise, the good one. Plenty compared him to a backyard tennis ball with added swing, still I couldn’t go past this:

Oh, he also played football tonight, but, you know, the strapping etc.

11- Manu Ma’u

Back Row, Parramatta Eels

The Mash had 11 runs, 100 metres and is now measuring at almost exactly a metric tonne of pure white-hot fury.

12- Tepai Moroea

Back Row, Parramatta Eels

Here’s an unpopular opinion: Tep’s shoulder charge was more deserving of a sin binning than Michael Jennings’ professional foul. Other than that disaster, Tep’s 15 runs for 139 metres was actually pretty good. Assuming you don’t count the aforementioned shoulder charge, his 43 tackles were also excellent. It’s a shame he’ll likely be suspended for a while.

13- Peni Terepo

Lock, Parramatta Eels



14- Will Smith

Interchange, Parramatta Eels

Made 5 tackles and missed 4? Batting the ball dead to Ken Sio? That’s less than ideal.

15- Suaia Matagi

Interchange, Parramatta Eels

I’ll pay anyone $100 if they can prove to me Matagi actually played; 12 runs for 101 metres? I saw him hit the ball up once. Whatever.

17- Marata Niukore

Interchange, Parramatta Eels

Thought his 7 runs for 68 metres were pretty handy, and he looks big enough that he could eat Kaysa Pritchard.

18- Nathan Brown

Interchange, Parramatta Eels

Good to have him back, would like to get him a win at some point this season. A solid return with over 100 metres and a couple of moments of niggle. Looking forward to the Cyborg returning to regular programming next week/in 2019.

Here at The Cumberland Throw, we have one motto: if you don’t like what you read, Forty probably didn’t write it.

All we can hope for at this point is that next week is less awful than this week.

Livin’ the dream.


Go you Eels,



Well that sucked. You know what doesn’t suck? Making a discounted purchase from our sponsor Sportfirst Nambucca. Welcome to smooth segues and The Cumberland Throw.

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Photos courtesy of the Parramatta Eels. Stats courtesy of Champion Data.

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Trouser Eel
Trouser Eel

That was a woeful game. I thought Gowie was deserving of a better grade. He just didn’t give up.
We ran out of a bench and the was no punch to start or end with coming from our forwards.
On a brighter note, the chips at ANZ stadium are some of the nicest I’ve ever had, so my journeys across Sydney, the cost of parking and my season ticket haven’t been totally wasted.


The only positive out of tonight is that it will make our future wins sweeter


Isn’t it about time that BA gives some of the younger players on the roster like Ray Stone etcetera a go?? What else has he go to lose but his job


It’s not that simple. To give players like Stone a go, the Eels have to present a case that gives them dispensation to use players outside the Top 30. Perhaps the injury list will allow this?

The rev aka Snedden
The rev aka Snedden

Mitch Mitch Mitch what has gone wrong ? As soon as we get labeled premiership contenders we fold like a deck of cards. I’m starting to lose confidance in brad I would be happy if he walked. Just to save face. The players rating are spot on. Next week I think it’s time we start rating our coach. Look I’ve watched some very very bad parra sides but this yr is just horrible it’s a bloody ( knight ) mare. As for the injury list sorry I won’t cop that as an excuse. Look at Penriths injury list n there… Read more »

Colin Hussey
Colin Hussey

Injuries aside!! WHAT THE????

Its time that the coaching staff and players were locked up in a room and got to the bottom of whats going on at the Parramatta eels football side of things. Don’t let them out until its resolved and they can put the problems, not to bed but bury them well and truly for good.

The rev aka Snedden
The rev aka Snedden

Brother hussey didn’t the eels do just that when smithy walked out years ago. I think tim smith n piggy were out the night b4 drinking n that was the final straw for smithy.
Have a good n blessed night. Just finished a church service now off to bed. Be blessed.


Mitch, i’d be interested to hear your thoughts on what positions/type of players we should be chasing for next year?

Parra Pete, Thurgoona
Parra Pete, Thurgoona

The effort in that game was embarrassing, Made me ill watching it…Very disappointing. Have NO player who even looks likely to score a try. Not a fan of Cameron King….I think he has been pretty ordinary…David Gower has a go..George Jennings has a go. The centres Taka and Mick Jennings are pedestrian, and past their use by date, imo….
NOTHING in Wenty that can replace them..maybe Kirisome should get another chance????

Disco Lad
Disco Lad

Ava was ordinary for wenty yesterday. Maybe Aukafolau will take the opportunity with both hands. Jennings and Taka are cooked and should be moved on no way we should pay Jennings 750k next year. Throw all the money at Koro or Parcell hooker is such a must. Pritchard is in no way the answer. Hooker is one of those positions that you cannot afford an injury prone player.

Real HN
Real HN

MVP would be the fans who still go out in the cold to watch this dribble in hopes it turns around..


Generous with the G jennings mark his defense is a worry as is his brothers that right edge is always looking shaky


BA described that performance as embarrassing and i think hes spot on with that assessment. Hopefully it will be embarrassing enough to get a better performance out of the side next week. Regarding the refs, BA seems to have no problem with them no matter how bad they are so ill just say they wete fantastic.