The Cumberland Throw

The Referees’ Tip Sheet – A Parody

All football teams are provided with tip sheets about their opposition each week. They remind the players about what their opponents are likely to throw at them, or maybe highlight weaknesses that can be exploited.

Some time back, for a bit of fun, I “imagined” a similar tip sheet being distributed to referees. It would remind the officials of how matches are to be controlled in the NRL.

Remember, this is not factual. All referees do their job to the best of their ability, with very little praise. Supporters of most teams have moments where some of these thoughts cross their mind. Let’s see if you have a wry smile as you read on.

The Tip Sheet – Top 10 Reminders

1. (insert poor performing team name) is not successful. They are poorly disciplined and will break rules because this is the only way that they can win. Sin bin or penalise freely.

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2. (Insert high profile winning team)- is successful and well coached. They might push the limits but their coach is very good at keeping their players within the rules. They are unlikely to incur penalties. Do not take stern action against them. Repeated warnings will suffice.

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3. If you are surprised by the tactics of (insert name of successful favoured club) remember who their coach is. His tactics would be well thought out and unlikely to break any rules. Remember,to penalise them will only draw public criticism from said coach.

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4. If you are prepared to rule against (insert name of favoured club) be prepared to come under close scrutiny for all games controlled against them. (There may be an investigation called for by the coach or perhaps you might learn how to follow the tip sheet in the NSW cup).

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5. If (insert star players name) wishes to question your decision, please hear him out as he earned the right to dispute any of your decisions.

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6. If (insert name of captain of lowly ranked team) questions your decision, dismiss his approach with disdain and allow a quick tap to the opposition. That will keep him in his place.

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7. You don’t need to penalise a team to keep them in their place. Variable ruck speed works nicely. Remember, 50/50 calls are really 90/10s.

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8. There are opportunities to even up a penalty count with minimal impact. A penalty on the first or second tackle is ideal. A penalty when the team has already earned possession through a line dropout works well, a penalty with a few seconds left in the half or when the game is beyond reach can help the stats.

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9. If (insert favoured club name)- is being dominated by a lesser team, a penalty late in the tackle count for hands on the ball is ideal because all defenders will always put their hands on the ball. This rule is beautiful because, like the old scrum penalties, you can call them whichever way you want and they cannot be disputed.

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10. If (insert favoured team) and (insert favoured team) are playing each other it is in your best interest to let the players decide the match. If you make bad calls against either team you’re on your own.

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NB – Coming soon, touch judge (flag boy) edition.

Sixties

 

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30 thoughts on “The Referees’ Tip Sheet – A Parody

  1. Colin Hussey

    Oh Dear!!!, would love to see that sheet get out into the public arena, imagine the denials and reactions if they all read and agreed/disagreed with them while on a truth detector

    1. Trev

      That sounds like a good idea Col (truth/lie detector). I don’t think any of us would be surprised by the results.

        1. Joe Briffa

          No, no way who would ever think that. Go wash your mouth out with soap [insert soap type] very well put mate. With tongue in cheek and cross your heart that is just a figment of your imagination right.

  2. Trev

    Haha Sixties that is so clever, funny, and dare I say, sometimes/a lot of times true . I was laughing as I mentally inserted names and teams into each tip.

  3. Chika.

    Just on refs im pointing the finger at the king of clowns tony archer , jarod wallace had to get off based on hess’s shot on moses the other night , poor tony just paint the refs into a corner then hands them the brush while he washes his hands , actually the refs are the problem in our game and they decide more outcomes than the actual teams do ,( depending which team your in ) , bring back the days the players controlled the result , theyve just made to many rules for the good of themselves and not the game , still that stems from the top general grant , biggest buffoon in the history of administration in any sport !!!

  4. Lady Eel

    Not factual – really! Could of fooled me. Humour has long been used as a tool to highlight the truth, and this time I think you have nailed it.

  5. Jim

    Sixties, You have done it again. 100%. It’s scary how close to the mark this really is. If the refs are not using this at the moment, they will once they see it. How many people mentally filled in of the storm or the broncos when seeing (Insert high profile winning team). I bet no one thought Eels.

    1. sixties Post author

      I reckon that there’s supporters of a few teams sitting near the bottom of the table who feel similarly – but of course this is just a parody.

  6. Mitchy

    Yes, I thought of Cameron Grapple Smith, Ricky sulk Stuart, Bennett who has two faces, and a new one, Flanagan..oh and we know Easts push things too.
    What I don’t get is, parra had refs to preseason training, and it seems something has gone awry between then and NRL comp.

    I thought markers couldn’t spread until the ball clears the ruck? And tackles around the neck were illegal? Defenders changing their lines to impede attackers was illegal? Naaahhh I must be wrong as we see this many times each wkend. And let’s not mention the judiciary. Sam Burgess shoulder charge that wasn’t, allows players to get off such charges.

      1. Mitchy

        It is the only thing i raised last night mate….so yes. T Archer was one of the most frustrating refs, but i come back to the hierarchy in charge and blame them for the issues in the game for refs. Refs should referee and that is it….and that means allow flow of the game until infringements occur, and not stop refereeing games at crucial times. It has been a farce for years, and now coaches cannot mention anything. Gillian Trigg from the self appointed HC would be laughing.

  7. Achilles' Eel

    And the future may turn out to be more bleak when those who train the next generation of referees are those we seek to parody.

      1. Achilles' Eel

        Not necessarily. But what can we do to rectify refereeing standards? There seem to me at least three possible remedies. We can overhaul the system that generates them, overthrow it entirely, or except it for what it is. Now if we are to choose the latter, then it is Parramatta, the club, that needs to change. For example, a strong assumption built into Sixties post above is that these poor refereeing standards have been going on for a long time now – long enough for him to detect their pattern, and long enough for others to agree with the outcome of that detection. With that being the case, and with refereeing standards unlikely to improve in the foreseeable future – since they haven’t for so long (my assumption) – then the Parramatta club needs to do all in its power to ensure a successful football team. That way, it, too, can be the beneficiary of the type of refereeing favouritism that Sixties has discussed.

        1. Chika.

          The referees are at our opposed work session every week so if youve got the answers lets hear them ,the coaching staff tell them to call it the same as in a game but the standards and applications differ greatly come whoever we play ,easts most heavily penalised in comp but not when they play us ,thats one penalty count the chooks can pencil in so in closing i can assure you the club and staff are is doing all in its power,go down and have a look mate you will see the difference im talking about on game days ,the one concession i will say about training is you dont have linesmen interfering and an earpiece pointing things out from upstairs ,i do agree though that some of the stupid penaltys (kenny ) are our own doing but the cheap hit on moses that got cowboys a penalty is typical of a system in chaos ,i dont have answers either mate but i will say that the refs have created most of thier own issues ,ball not forward out of the hands but travels forward is not a forward pass , if the ball travels forward no matter if it took a cab or a cyclone just rule it forward ,etc ,theyve just created to many rules for themselves , lets get back to footy deciding results not officials !!!

  8. Achilles' Eel

    I’m not disputing anything that you have raised. I wish every game was refereed like the first State of Origin was this year. But it’s not. Anyway, I think that the club is in a good position to build a successful football team. I have been watching much junior rep footy these past three seasons (2015-17), and the future is looking bright. Therefore, it won’t be long before Parramatta finds favour from the match officials… Oh, and yes, the system is flawed at the moment. But I thought that point came through in my previous reply. I feel your frustration…

    1. Chika.

      We Agree there achilles about our future , ba has taken a hands on approach with juniors and has the right man in anthony field running the show , kids seem to be respecting the jumper again , ba believes playing for parra is not a right its an “honour “

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