When I was tasked with choosing my team of the best Eels to never win a premiership post-1986 I dabbled…nay, I delved heavily into the sub-topic of best nicknames. Sports always produce a wonderful bag of endearments and epithets and the Eels are no exception here and it immediately posed the question – who makes the all-time nickname team for the Parramatta Eels?
The topic quickly snared a life of its own and the subsequent passionate debates among the TCT brainstrust meant there was little recourse but to put the matter to the public domain. Ultimately, while I was able to recall more than a few amusing monikers for my last TLT blog, given the depth and breadth of the topic at hand I had no recourse but to enlist the talents of Sixties and work side-by-side with my numerical nemesis merely days after butting heads with him over who was worthy of the call.
The list of eligible players quickly grew beyond our control and thus we quickly arrived at the battle to end all battles – Parramatta Blue vs Parramatta Gold. Guru and Pebbles up against The Mayor and Moby Dick. Killer and the Hitman trading blows with Sideshow Bob and The Bear as Spidermann and Flash Gordon settle the comic book debates once and for all.
So how did we do? I have little doubt we have missed some absolute crackers so be sure to let us know in the comments and don’t be afraid to hit us up with your own all-time lists!
Parramatta Blue
1. Phil Mann – Spider
2. Neville Glover – Nifty
3. Jamie Lyon – Killer
4. Tony Williams – T-Rex
5. Eric Grothe – Guru
6. John Peard – Bomber
7. Graham Murray – Little Artie
8. Paul Mares – Lump
9. Mark Riddell – Piggy
10. Stan Jurd – Plunkett
11. Andrew Ryan – Bobcat
12. Ray Higgs – Bulldog
13. Mark Laurie – Pebbles
14. Keith Campbell – Boofhead
15. Graham Olling – Shovels
16. Ron Hilditch – Hitman
17. Kevin Stevens – Stumpy
18. Brad Williams – Bionic Matchstick
Parramatta Gold
1. Ken Thornett – The Mayor
2. Graham Atkins – Brains
3. Michael Erickson – Sparrow
4. Neil Hunt – Guilty
5. Matt Peterson – Sideshow Bob
6. Steve Ella – Zip Zip
7. Paul Taylor – Squizzy
8. Bob O’Reilly – The Bear
9. Steve Edge – Sledge
10. Brian Hambly – Grumpy
11. Dick Thornett – Moby
12. Peter Wynn – Wally
13. Ron Lynch – Thirsty
14. Paul Clarke – Nobby
15. Michael Gordon – Flash
16. Chris Phelan – Howya
17. Daniel Irvine – Bubsy
18. Ian Herron – Chook
Noteworthy Current Players
Daniel Alvaro – Polar
Clinton Gutherson – King Gutho
Will Smith – The Fresh Prince
Peni Terepo – Baz / The Butcher
Other Noteworthy Current Players
(automatically ineligible because they were cursed by nicknames of my design)
Reagan Campbell-Gillard – The Fully Loaded Man
Reed Mahoney – Cash
Marata Niukore – Hakuna Marata
Junior Paulo – Proptimus Prime
Maika Sivo – Mentos
Brad Takairangi – The Cook Island Control Tower
Our thanks also to Parrathruandthru for research assistance.
You gents have disappointed me…what happened to-
Ray Price- Mr Perpetual Motion
Mick Cronin- The Crow
Brett Kenny- Bert. Although never official, as a kid I did then assume this made Sterlo Ernie?
…how could they miss out?
Yes, Omitted. I believe that Price was more commonly referred to as Pricey. We avoided names that were simply adding an o or y to names or were very close to their real names. There is an argument that the origins of Bert is a misspelt program list.
There was a bit of debate JonBoy, but we thought we’d go down the path of furthest distance from the obvious.
I thought the source of Kenny’s nickname was the actor Burt Reynolds. I’m pretty sure I heard him say that in an interview for Wide World of Sports many moons ago.
They called him Bert because he was quick like former Eels flyer Luke Bert.
Pou, are you suggesting that Bert had access to a time-traveller’s DeLorean and knew an eccentric duffer who went by the name of Doc Brown?
Bert sure moved like he could transcend time. Now what a shame he’s yet to be immortalised.
Nah the Poms got his name wrong somewhere on the 82 Kangaroo tour and the other players pounced on it
Oh well, there goes Bert’s/Burt’s claim to fame outside footy. He’d have welcomed running around with Sally Field and Loni Anderson.
“Bert” was the name Jack Gibson called Brett Kenny at training one night and the other players overheard and it stuck with him from them on
Thanks Gooraz. It does remind one of Big Jack’s acerbic wit – or what I’ve read of it. Who can forget his take on Andrew Ettingshausen: ‘ET is so fast he can turn off the light and be in bed before it gets dark’?
As for Bert, I can recall Peter Peters in the commentary box during a Trans-Tasman Test Match in 1986 waxing lyrical after Kenny had scored a long-range try for Australia: ‘Bert, such an ordinary name for such an extraordinary footballer!’ – or words to that effect.
NB. My apologies to all Berts who read this. Bert is a fine name to carry through life.
And we know that Peter Peters does not hand out accolades too freely to Eels players.
Noel Dolton – Tombstone
Billy Rayner – Bullethead
Archie Brown – The Sneeze (Arch who?)
Jarryd Hayne – The Playne
Noel Cornwell – Storky
Rod Blundell – Knuckles
Ralph Harding – Butch
Barry Rushworth – Bowsa
Derek Hallas – Chalkie
Bill Roney – Doc
Ivor Lingard – Knackeroff
Yes! Yes! Yes!
This is exactly what we hoped for. More nicknames that we weren’t aware of. Cheers Pete.
Knackeroff has me 🤔🤔🤔
Ivor
Billy Rayner was called “cement head”.
Never heard the other expression.
And did we get Brian “grumpy” Hambly
He’s on the list
I’m getting older..Of course it was cement head..My bad…Thanks for pointing it out….
Daniel Wagon – super glue.
That was our name for him!!! 🤣🤣🤣
I don’t recollect that Bob O’Reilly was “The Bear” rather he was generally just called Bear. Same with Keith Campbell it was just Boof.
Where Graham Olling got his nick name from should remain silent and respected
You’re a tough marker Colin! Fancy correcting the use of an article 😁😁😁
My task for you Colin is to add to the list, like Parra Pete. With your history you must have some inside word on the nicknames.
Mate, pretty much the tags put on players in the lists are good, interestingly though, I don’t really remember too many of the players nicknames now.
Greg Heddles – Teddles
Denis Fitzgerald – Scraps.
Don Price (Rays Brother) Do Do, owing to the way he ran, I called him out as he took off one game and said goooo Do Do, I think he scored and a woman sitting next to me in the Cumberland stand why do you call him Do Do, I said its the way he runs, couple of others said the same and she laughed and agreed, and then said she was his wife. Classic!
I think Bob Jay was named Blue Jay,
Also John Baker had one that was associated with a bakehouse.
I don’t think there is anything unprintable about the origin of Graham Olling’s nickname Colin. It’s actually quite clever. Hopefully his old mate Slugg may see this and tell us the real origin of it
The one that Slugg put up is one that most know of but there was another one that was not as nice that was inferred against him, I would not repeat it and in hindsight should not have mentioned it either.
While many nicknames are clever, I don’t really like them as they can be quite demeaning to the person.
Colin, despite what you might think there is no other origin of his nickname.
Slugg
I was a big fan of
Michael Vella “tranny” nickname maybe not appropriate now days.
I was a big fan of
Michael Vella “tranny” nickname maybe not appropriate now days.
Yes, Parrathruandthru had that on a list he sent to me but I decided not to put in the team list as I thought that might be pushing some boundaries. 😬😬😬
Maybe we could choose a team from other clubs to compete in a “Nickname Tri Series”?
Of cause my main reason for this suggestion is to nominate my favourite nickname ever.
“Watsapakata” Sigsworth. Surely has to be Fullback in this “away team”.
I also recall Brad Fittler was called “Adolf” prior to his eventual “Freddy”. Pretty understandable he was given a pass on the original effort.
Gotta love a good nickname.
Cheers
Gaz
‘Waltzing’ Matt Hilder….
Terrific. He’d be a must include in an opposition list.
He takes the money and run to Venezuela..
I reckon everyone appreciates Watsapakata Gazza. I’m happy for any replies to come up with an opposition list..
When you guys hinted about a special theme team, I thought “this’ll be moustaches’. Any nicknames I know have been covered, but always surprised that Nathan Hindmarsh didn’t get hung with something like ‘Builder’s’.
Nah! best for him would be Chaser, after the way he chased and tackled but the best of all was when he went after Ennis and gave him a what for.
I reckon his frustration was symptomatic of the frustration in the team in general.
Can’t spoil future lists.
Few Nick names from other teams —
Bill (Bluey) Wilson
Ian (Abdul) Walsh,
Norm (Sticks) Provan
John (Chook) Raper
Brian (Poppa) Clay
Ron (Sooty) Saddler
Neville Boxhead Charlton
Simon (Germ) Woolford
Wayne (Snoopy) Collins
David (Furnsie) Furner
Jason Toots Croker
Andrew (Cappy) McFadden
Mark (Boof) Geyer
Stuart (The two iron with ears) Davis
David (Cement) Gillespie
Steve (Sludge) Rogers
Nice list Pete.
Very interesting article 60’s – i have nothing to add to this. Bomber Peard was superb as was Squizzy Taylor. You cannot beat some of those nicknames from the past – great by all contributors.
As we get older, these lists might just help to keep deteriorating brains like mine active
I went to watch training a few times in the 70″s and John Peard would train in a Tee shirt and printed on the front of it was DIS-A-PEARD
Disa is a clever one. Did anyone call him that?
How Graham Olling got the nickname Shovells. I remember Rex Mossop saying he got the name because he drops the ball a lot. The true story is this over Xmas dinner when he was a kid his uncle commented about the way Graham and his brother Wayne scoffed their food. Their Mum said “one eats with a shovel the other uses a spade”. The nicknames stuck from then on.
When family creates nicknames they usually stick because there’s love involved in the naming.
Keith Campbell when he went from being a flier to a lot more solid we use to call KEG Campbell. Was that just my mates ?